Damn, @Acilla so sorry to hear. I was a bit worried this could happen, you had some insane winnings (and loss) (on gonzo!) that mabye got a bit to your head (?). Even though that is a lot of money, it's not a completely dark situation. I hope you get it sortet out, and take use of all help there is available for this kind of problems.
Sad to hear acilla. Keep looking forward you will never be able to change the past don't feel bad and create a good future instead. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to send a message.