Yo Thunder, i can totally hear what you're saying, and i think you touch on an aspect of gambling that isn't always mentioned but is one of the most powerful reasons we keep playing - like you rightly say, it is to a large part about the money, as that's why we're there in the first place, but also it soon becomes more than just about the money - it turns into where you don't want to accept being beaten, and you don't want to have to accept that you've lost & look stupid - i often had where I'd keep hammering away not just to win back losses (as by then I've given up on the actual balance & accepted that financially I've fcuked it) but purely because i just want to beat the game AND not have it beat me - it becomes almost more like playing a video game rather than gambling.
But, the trouble is, with most actual real games there is an element of skill, an element of learning, etc so often not giving up & keeping on hammering away (practising) is a often good way to eventually win - but with most gambling games we play there is no skill element whatsoever and the game is physically designed so that the longer you play the more you lose. Yet ironically, the lack of skill involved also means there's less external factors that you can then blame for your losses, which is why you end up blaming & hating on yourself as that's all the game design leaves you with to blame. And casinos know that people don't like being made to look stupid and that they will come back for 'another go' which is perfect if you're running games where people lose in the long run!
And when that is tied in with big, flashy lights & signs all over the casinos shouting about how you can win big easy, you just further feel like a stupid loser as the sites love to give the impression that everyone else is winning AND winning easily. This aspect of human psychology of not accepting when we're beaten is what's helped our species rule the world, but it can also be turned against us just as easily, and it is these psychological traits that casinos look to exploit.
You're not a loser at all dude - you're clearly someone who cares about their family, as someone who didn't wouldn't have written that post in the first place - the casino games themselves are the losers because they are only set to serve 1 master; the casino. You are not a loser because you approached this game honestly and played by the rules - the game is the loser because it had to fake & lie to you about your chances of winning in order to get you to play. It is hard to accept that a game has beaten you but if you can separate the logic of it all from the emotion if it all, you'll soon see the games offer poor value to everyone, not just you.
Certainly however much you threw at the casino is a separate concern for your personal budget, but don't throw your self-esteem at them too, as that is how they trap you into returning - casinos only make people feel like losers so you come back and spend more to try & get rid of the bad feeling. The only real way to get rid of that bad feeling though is as you've already correctly mentioned; spend it on the kids, spend it on the family, spend it on yourself! The kids and the family will give you alot better returns than any casino will! It's good that you are taking personal responsibility for your actions though don't think you have to cross the line into beating yourself up too.
Wishing you all the best dude!
