My life is destroyd

[Fmylife]

Last two years i have lost constantly gambling. Been taking breaks but every time i come back i just continue to lose.

Then this september my 1 year old son died. Doctors telling me what happened to him was basicly 1 in a milion, imagine... 

Hospital fucked up and we are battling with them trying to get them to admit fault. Its just been so draining.

after his death i have been out of controll with my gambling. Due to severe depression and greif. Still just this incredible losing streak. One would think after something like this the universe would give me a break.

But Im at the point now where i have debts and i dont even have money to pay his tombstone. Imagine that.....

i really dont know what to do. I feel so deeply depressed that i feel like im just existing and not living. I cannot tell my wife this she would leave me. 
 

 To make matters worse/better my wife is pregnant again. Honestly i think that is the only reason im not commiting suecide.

I have nobodey to turn to so im asking here for advice.

[TrustworthyC]

Wow...i just came in for some early Christmas cheer, didn't expect such a thread! A lot of gamblers reach a point where they lose control, sometimes with devastating consequences... Luckily most of them (or us) take that as a sign and take measures. Assuming all you posted above is true (no offense - i've heard similar stories many a time, and a lot of them turned out to be untrue, for the large part)  the first thing you should do, is stop gambling immediately - don't even think about continuing, and seek help first in the morning.

You can not change what already happened but you can definitely make sure you get out of this hole, assuming you at least have a healthy body, and become a responsible adult, father and husband. Your wife and your child are counting on you, and you can work hard to clear any debt. You'll be surprised how much money you can already save, when just quitting with gambling. 

Seek out a laywer and/or debt relief agency, and come clean. There will be some way to pay off your debt, especially if you can prove the above story. I'm pretty sure there will be some more leeway for a man that lost his son and just went overboard with his already existing bad habit. At least i hope there is. 

Whatever the case, they can never take more in monthly payments then you earn, after calculating your minimum needs. I suppose you will have to come clean to your wife to, but i can't force you to do anything. Just know, that if you really want, you can crawl back from any dark pit. But you hgve to be prepared to suffer some more (at least in the sense that you will have nothing to spare for the forseeable future) but as soon as you start working off that debt, and make sure you can not gamble anymore, you should be able to get back on track in a few years. 

Use gamban, gamstop gamblock and whatever means you can for any online gambling, and either make sure you get a resraining order (if that's the proper term) for all your local bookies and casinos. Also make sure you set a limit on your cards, preferably so, that you cannot withdraw or deposit more than a specific amount, or even better, give your wife (or someone else you trust 1000%) control over the finances instead. You can also get some sort of financial administration from those debt relief agencies, usually.

 

I don't want to sound hard, but in the end you got yourself into this: just know you can also get yourself out. Talk to a good friend first, perhaps, even though you might be ashamed, as getting it out there (in the open, not on an anonymous forum like this) may also make it easier setting the next steps. But you have to do it. You already know inside, or you wouldn't have posted. I really hope you do, and don't waste any time...

 

[TrustworthyC]

Just to add - here's a page with directions/links to a few good tools to get you started..

https://casinogrounds.com/guides/responsible-gambling/

[joukot]

?don't give up...

[NeWbZs]

Please find professional help ASAP, this is just a forum and we are not professional psychologist. Of course you can talke here but you need a professional asap!

[Fmylife]

Thnx for the advice here. To be honest my urge to gamle at this moment at least is totally not here. Due to all the losses. 
 

But surley it will come again.

i have now blocked every  casino account i have. Have also blocked my skrill and neteller.

my debst are manageble if it does not get worse.

i agree that i need some consouling due to this and probably depression.

I guess i see now that if a person experiences a personal crisis it can really affect impuls controll and self destructive behaviour.

The difficult part is that i really feel to shamefull to talk with any of my friends about this.

[Dracarys7]

go an see a psychologist.it helps a lot buddy. dont be afraid to go.. firsttime is the hardest one. make the appointment is the difficult part, but once you re there everything will come out and you will have answers... stay strong and dont give up.

[pogba2410]

9 hours ago, Fmylife said:

Last two years i have lost constantly gambling. Been taking breaks but every time i come back i just continue to lose.

Then this september my 1 year old son died. Doctors telling me what happened to him was basicly 1 in a milion, imagine... 

Hospital fucked up and we are battling with them trying to get them to admit fault. Its just been so draining.

after his death i have been out of controll with my gambling. Due to severe depression and greif. Still just this incredible losing streak. One would think after something like this the universe would give me a break.

But Im at the point now where i have debts and i dont even have money to pay his tombstone. Imagine that.....

i really dont know what to do. I feel so deeply depressed that i feel like im just existing and not living. I cannot tell my wife this she would leave me. 
 

 To make matters worse/better my wife is pregnant again. Honestly i think that is the only reason im not commiting suecide.

I have nobodey to turn to so im asking here for advice.

First thing you do is you go to the citizens advice bureau.

They can help you either claim bankruptcy or insolvency.....the insolvency is probably a better option, ask to apply for a debt relief order, you won't need an appointment as most citizens advice have a drop in service. Take a list of every debt you have, even if it just as small as £5.

DO THAT AS SOON AS YOU CAN.

Secondly, after you have been to the citizens advice either make an appointment at the doctor's or go to  walk in service. Tell them your problems and they will refer you to specialists.

They will put you in contact with councilors where you can talk through all your issue and hopefully give you some grief counseling. Then from there probably contact gamblers anonymous to talk through everything.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/debt-and-money/debt-solutions/debt-relief-orders/

Please, try these options and I Hope you get yourself back on track

 

[dirtystack]

You have to stop all compulsive behaviours. Compulsive activities take you away from your problems so you don't have to deal with them, when engaging with compulsion you are putting your mental processing on hold, problem is that it only lasts while engaging with compulsion, that's why its so compulsive, you need to do it all the time for the escape.

Easier said then done.

When I was younger I put off dealing with grief for about 10 years by playing videogames from morning to night, it was too hard for me to deal with the grief I had so I distracted myself for for 10 years. It caused a lot of damage as the unprocessed thoughts and emotions just stay inside you bouncing around getting louder and louder. When I eventually hit breaking point it took another 10 years to repair the damage done by carrying grief around with me.

Go to doctor, get referred to see a mental health specialist who will then refer you to a councillor, probably at Mind. Let it all out, grief, guilt shame, hate, finally expressing what is eating away at you will lighten the load and give you some control back.

[Lemonsbluff]

Hi mate,

I'm really sorry to hear about everything's that happened. Like everyone mentioned, you need to seek some professional help. I've also used gambling to temporarily escape reality playing for the distraction rather than the money and even though I felt calm and guilt-free for short durations, I'd still be miserable. 

Telling someone who cares deeply for you can relieve a lot of stress and pressure. I'm sure everyone would understand. In my (non professional) opinion, if you keep this from those you love it'll make things much harder for yourself because whilst trying to deal with grief, you will also need to deal with dishonesty which won't do anyone any good - especially you.

It looks like you've already taken some action which is good! 

 

If you need to unload or talk, then let us know

[Plani Bardh]

First of all I am very sorry for your loss.  You have done the right thing to share this here as none of us will judge and well done for that. You need to tell your wife what is going on as end of the day she is the most closest person to you and NO she wont leave you trust me, she will leave you if you dont tell her the true why you feel so down and what you have done but she wont leave you if you explain to her same as you told us. She will leave you if you DONT TELL HER as she might think   is something worse going on and you dont share it.  To tell you to take break from gambling I dont think I need to tell you that as you already know that. As for the rest, dont worry there are people who have bigger problems then you do and dont even think of doing anything to themselves so dont be stupid and take your mind off the negative things. If you need someone to talk to you are more then welcome to chat to me on here by sending me message my friend and one thing you need to remember: after rain the sun comes out, there are better days to come. ! I hope everything goes alright for you and your missis with the new born baby ❤️ Sending you lots of positive energy from UK mate. #Albi 

[sirbuzzk]

Hi,

First of all, so sorry about your loss.

Its great that you found a platform to share and seek guidance - and actually used it! 

Gambling is suppose to be fun and needs to be controlled. As the ones before me mentions make sure to use all the tools available to ensure that all your accounts and such is blocked. Also reach out to your local government and understand what treatment they might be able to offer you. If you need e.x a GamBan account I believe Casinogrounds.com might be able to help.

Debt is almost always manageable, and is something that you just need to tackle even though it sucks in the beginning. Luckily later that feeling of frustration will luckily turn into pride of your own discipline. We are all routing for you, and if you need further support make sure to reach out. I am also available on PM if you would like some some direct support! 

I wish you the best of luck and thank you for your honesty ! 

 

[jchneo]

On 01/12/2019 at 01:54, Fmylife said:

Last two years i have lost constantly gambling. Been taking breaks but every time i come back i just continue to lose.

Then this september my 1 year old son died. Doctors telling me what happened to him was basicly 1 in a milion, imagine... 

Hospital fucked up and we are battling with them trying to get them to admit fault. Its just been so draining.

after his death i have been out of controll with my gambling. Due to severe depression and greif. Still just this incredible losing streak. One would think after something like this the universe would give me a break.

But Im at the point now where i have debts and i dont even have money to pay his tombstone. Imagine that.....

i really dont know what to do. I feel so deeply depressed that i feel like im just existing and not living. I cannot tell my wife this she would leave me. 
 

 To make matters worse/better my wife is pregnant again. Honestly i think that is the only reason im not commiting suecide.

I have nobodey to turn to so im asking here for advice.

As i have experienced myself, gambling will only escalate the emotions you are trying to hold back, it is escapism from the realities you are facing but ultimately all it does is build the frustration inside because inevitably you will lose, and when your emotions are so unbalanced it's going to cause so much more damage to you.

I have dealt with many problems myself, nothing like losing a child, but I know that you need to be in a good place in your life to take enjoyment out of things such as gambling. Deal with your depression first, grieve, seek help to overcome the emotions you are facing, and perhaps the universe has already granted you another chance, you say your girlfriend is pregnant. Get yourself back to a happy place, and once you are there, maybe then you can think about having a few spins on the slots for some fun. Good luck mate, it will get better.

[JohnnyJaw]

On 01/12/2019 at 12:51, Fmylife said:

The difficult part is that i really feel to shamefull to talk with any of my friends about this.

Everyone has problems to deal with. You, your wife and also your friends, I promise! Don't be afraid to talk with the ones you love about your situation. I'm 100% sure and I will promise you will feel better after being honest, especially with your wife. I did the same just 2 days ago and it felt absolutely awesome to finally talk to her about all of this and she supports me through all of it. Except the devastating loss of yours - which I'm really sorry for - I'm pretty much in the same situation.

Please don't give up. Get professional help and you will get out of this as a happier person. I wish you all the best and if you like - keep us updated with the process. Much love ❤️ 

[mennovanderborn]

Grap a tennisracket, and slap/hit your negative thinking away, it's healthy and it do your good, or do something with a ball! Take care!

 

[MartinW]

     Sorry for the loss of your son, the loss of a loved one is devastating. 
    Glad to read your debts are manageable at the moment, that’s one worry less and you can focus on pushing forward towards being debt free. 
     Counselling is something you should 100% be looking for especially as you feel like you can’t talk to your friends. A counsellor is just a friendly non judgmental stranger who is there to listen and help. I’ve spoken to counsellors one the past. It lifts a weight off your shoulders and makes the steps towards speaking to family and friends about a tough subject easier. 
I’m not sure where you are from but in the U.K. there are many mental health charities that help with grief and addiction. They are a huge help, non judgemental and I would strongly advise looking for help ASAP.

Don’t beat yourself up anymore about the situation you’re currently in. We are only human and here for a short time. 
Make the most of your wife’s pregnancy and the new baby that’s on the way. 
All the best 

On 01/12/2019 at 11:51, Fmylife said:

Thnx for the advice here. To be honest my urge to gamle at this moment at least is totally not here. Due to all the losses. 
 

But surley it will come again.

i have now blocked every  casino account i have. Have also blocked my skrill and neteller.

my debst are manageble if it does not get worse.

i agree that i need some consouling due to this and probably depression.

I guess i see now that if a person experiences a personal crisis it can really affect impuls controll and self destructive behaviour.

The difficult part is that i really feel to shamefull to talk with any of my friends about this.